By Dritan Hila
1 – You can’t show up in tracksuits at the White House. Empires don’t tolerate informality. Exotic outfits have value only where they don’t take you seriously and accept you just for the show.
2 – You can’t address the crown prince (the Vice President) by his initials, “JD,” but by his full title: Mr. Vice President Vance. JD is what his plumber calls him when fixing his sink, not a vassal in an official meeting in front of the cameras.
3 – You can’t attend an official meeting without a translator, especially with poor English. A translator grants you status, gives you time to think, and helps you control your impulses.
4 – You can’t cross your arms over your chest when you’re there to beg. You should keep your palms open and resting on your knees. That’s body language fit for kings or generals, not for someone in distress.
5 – You can’t call an ally the country that has kept you standing for 11 years. You are merely its client.
6 – You can’t threaten the world’s most powerful country with statements like, “If I fall, the Russians will cross the ocean and come for you.” That’s an insult to their status and an attempt to put yourself on equal footing.
7 – You can’t meet with the enemies (Democrats) of the man who just came to power with a solid vote before your official reception. You could do that in four years, but even then, you’re too small to play in the big leagues.
8 – You can’t argue as if you’re in a TV studio in Kyiv. You’ll gain more in the eyes of the world if you stay silent or answer briefly with general phrases like, “You are right,” or “You understand us well.” Don’t think that those who provide you with intelligence assistance and satellite coverage don’t know the real situation.
9 – You might have earned points with the anti-imperialists who sleep in warm beds and see anti-Americanism as a sport. But the price is paid by your boys in the trenches.
10 – It’s a mistake to think that your war has defended the free world. Americans believe they’ve helped you enough to defend yourself, and now, it’s time for you to pay.
11 – The lackeys won’t help you if you don’t have the king’s blessing. Defiant meetings won’t do anything for a man in trouble, except anger the king further. Just as angels are useless if you don’t have God on your side.
12 – It’s a serious miscalculation to think that your natural resources are priceless and that you can keep raising the stakes. The Russians can offer American companies ten times more, under better security conditions.
13 – The wall-to-wall stance, according to polls, has gained you the sympathy of even those who were against you yesterday. Don’t rejoice. They’ll change their minds tomorrow based on the day’s mood and gas prices. But you’ll be the one paying the bill.
